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Regular news and insight from our many poets, writers, educators and facilitators

09 December 2025

Posted by Joanna Barnard

What If?

content warning: baby loss


What If?

What if, instead of no blue line, there had been one?

the tears of joy instead of pain on our faces,

the jubilance of waiting and anticipating

What if

I could see your face, whether you would have had my nose, as your father suggests,

hold you close in my arms instead of facing grief and loss,

Heard you called me ‘Mummy’ instead of the empty voices in our house,

The spare room above that isn’t for anyone else,

What if I had someone to visit me when I am old and grey?

to wash the body and scatter my ashes into the water,

Instead, I believe no one will remain after me.

What if,

I belonged to the world, connected with others,

instead of feeling alone, that I didn’t belong because I couldn’t create life,

to be placed on a pedestal as a parent instead of being criticised,

What if others would not say you can foster or adopt?

that society did not disenfranchise my grief,

What if,

What if I must put you into the stars above?

Walk the path that lies and hold the memory of you,

Find some other way to live my life, not to feel pitied or to suffer in silence

instead of being seen as the same as you

I do wonder, what if?


Tavinder Kaur New

Photo by Shotaro Hamasaki on Unsplash
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